Hurt People, Stop Hurting People

I know we have all heard the saying that hurt people, hurt people. You hear this from so many people. You see it on social media, people are blogging about it. People are even writing books about it. It is almost as if we are giving people a pass to hurt others just because they are hurting and I am hear to tell you today that we need to stop it. If people are hurting, they need to seek professional care.

If a person is hurting from past trauma or past experiences then hurting another person will not fix the problem. They are now adding to the problem and have pulled another innocent person over on the side of hurting.

When a person feels like they have been hurt, it makes them feel vulnerable and in turn they become hostile and defensive. Instead of encouraging this cycle of hurt, we must learn to meet hurt with love.

Thick Naht Hanh said, “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help.”

This spoke to me on so many levels. We never know what people are going through and if we react in a hurtful way because we were hurt, we just become a world that is constantly hurting. If we choose to stop being passive aggressive and condoning the behavior and start actually aiding in helping to heal that person. Disclaimer, I am not a licensed counselor or psychologist, nor psychiatrist but I can be a loving human being. I can suggest speaking to someone and possibly seeking professional help.

When a person who is hurting in turns hurts you:

1) Acknowledge that you are hurt

2) Let the person know that they hurt you

3) Forgive the person for hurting you

4) Offer love and support for the person who is hurting

I chose to write about this after witnessing a person being hateful for no reason. The woman chose to respond in a manner that was unnecessary and actually uncalled for. We must remember that a “no” response is enough. As a human, we must set boundaries and no over exert ourselves. We have to choose when and who we can pour into but that never means that we need to hurt others and the process. As a result of the response, or lack thereof, made it clear that the person was now hurt as well.

As an outsider, I immediately recognized the hurt in both parties and I knew I had to share this post. So I challenge each of you, if you are hurting from things you are currently dealing with or if you holding on to some pain from the past, please seek professional care.

96 thoughts on “Hurt People, Stop Hurting People”

  1. All of this hits home right now. I am dealing with someone who is hurting and lashing out at those around him. Sadly I don’t think everyone will accept the help they need.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are so right, people hurt because they are hurting. And they don’t really realise they are doing it, it’s just their own frustration coming out. I believe that most of people are good and they do feel bad after the moment has gone and they reacted on impulse.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such a very insightful post to read. Everything you said is true, some people try to hurt you because they are the one who hurts a lot and patient, understand, love and support are best things that we can give for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. These are great points! I’m definitely guilty of having a bad day and unintentionally taking it out on those around me. I love how you say we should learn to meet hate with love!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Such a very well-written post to read. I agree with everything that you said, let the person know that you are being hurt, forgive the person and offer love and support.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great points! When someone say something hurtful, I try to be empathetic and understand what they might be going through. But you bring up an important component which is that you must acknowledge that the person said something hurtful in the first place. Otherwise, they’re just going to continue acting that way. There’s certainly a line between forgiving their behavior and condoning their behavior.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m not sure that Hurt People KNOW they are hurting people. I think they hurt so badly they aren’t aware of what they are doing to others. Some of the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. In m life I tried to practice not to hurt other people because I know to myself that once I did that I am the first person who is going to be hurt not the person that I tried to hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Honestly, I’ve always believed the people who lash out most with the intention of hurting, are the ones who are hurting most. While it’s not natural to try to help, it is necessary to step back and imagine what walking in their shoes is like.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so powerful. I’ve never thought of it that way before. It’s human nature to want to lash back when someone hurts us or we feel attacked, but really the other person just needs help getting out of their own dark place.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s so easy to take our your pains and frustrations on other people, especially when you live with those people. But I think we all just have to be a bit better about assessing how we feel and what we need to do to address our own hurts.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great post. It’s hard to be the receiving person on the end of any pain, but I happen to believe that no matter what, any human deserves at least a minimum amount of respect. But I think that what really keeps me from reacting the way I want to react at the moment when someone is being a jerk, is the fact that I refuse to allow another person’s actions make me someone I’m not.
    It’s hard when ego gets in the way.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Judy @sensibledove

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This is a really interesting view. I don’t think I have heard of the hurt people, hurt people saying. It definitely makes sense, but I absolutely don’t think it can ever be an excuse. If anything, it should give the hurt people motivation to help others and prevent not engage. x

    Liked by 1 person

  14. A wonderfully written post. I think we have all been caught in similar situations where we bite out tongues and try to ‘understand’ someone’s actions even if they are hurtful to us. But it is also important to address it. Great message here. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. What a meaningful and important article! It’s so easy to respond out of the gut when someone is hurting us. Really like how you remind us to take a moment and consider that the other person is the one hurting already and that we should find a more helpful way to respond. Well done! Thank you.
    xx Luci

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I don’t think it’d giving them a free pass, it’s reminding us to be empathetic. We can try to be understanding and give compassion while letting them know they hurt us and how. Hopefully they understand and make the necessary changes to not continue to hurt that person.


    1. Yes and no. Some people continue to hurt others because they are hurting. As an empath, bring understanding and compassionate is who I am but that doesn’t mean I should continue to be walked on but a hurting person because then I become a hurting person also.


  17. Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry. To avoid criticizing or blaming,which might only increase tension.


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