As a parent, we often times forget about ourselves. We focus on making sure our children have more opportunities and “things” than we did. Or maybe that’s just me! Maybe I am the only person who feels lost when their children are not at home because when the princess is gone, I realize my life literally revolves around my kid.
In my post, Always a Mother 1st, I mentioned that after living in different states for 5yrs, my daughter’s father moved to the same city we live in. So now I am able to get out and date. Mommy time is definitely appreciated.
Dating can be difficult as a parent, especially when you are dating someone without kids. There are days you can’t get out and catch happy hour because there’s something going on at the school. Then add on my “high” standards, trying to find a man in this day and age that still has some traditional values. Although many see me as a strong, black woman who is independent and can do it on her own, personally I don’t want to.
I don’t want to do it on my own. I want someone to do life with!
The process of finding a man who can handle me with care is a task in itself. I’m not available very often. I work full time, I have a side nanny business, I am a competitive dance mom and I have a kid that is constantly in need of “bonding time”. Her love language happens to be physical touch, the absolute last on my list, so at times it can be uncomfortable. But this is about me, not her. I need a man that is strong enough to drink whiskey with and understands that I am a mother first and foremost!
Also, I am getting older. I need a man with a vision and life goals that he is making progress on. I need a man who knows when I need tacos and cupcakes and when to remind me that I have fitness goals. I need him to tell me I’m about absolutely amazing and magnificently beautiful. I want him to express his feelings for me and tell how grateful he is for me. That’s because I am words of affirmation! To me, words and actions weigh equally.
But more than anything, I need a man to take the lead. I need to trust him with my life. I need him to know how to think like me so when I get the moment to let go of work, take a break from being the boss or being a mommy, I need to know he’s got not only me but the princess and himself.
So dating was hard for me until I stopped trying to find a man. I let God provide direction and God showed me new things in an old fling. First, I had to learn that he loves differently than me. His love language is “Acts of Service” and mine is “Words of Affirmations”. When we dated previous, I did not appreciate his actions as much because I wanted more words. He would go above and beyond to show me without just saying it. I would go on and on about my feelings without showing him. He was the one who unknowingly taught me actions and words weigh equally.
This second time around, we are using what we know about each other and how to express gratitude and love to one another and remembering to ask or explain when we don’t. We used to party all the time now we drink whiskey and enjoy each other’s company. He keeps me grounded and he helps me balance. I’m thankful for growth.
If you haven’t identified the love language of your loved ones, please do so here and learn how you expect others to express love and gratitude to you. It is helpful in all relationship types.
Disclaimer, this is my personal thoughts about the Five Love Languages, I am not being paid for this.