The tattoo that appears across my back states, a mother 1st. However, it’s so much more than a tattoo, it’s who I am, it’s my way of life. Being a mom is truly one of the things I know I was called to do on this earth. God knew that I would be one of the moms that would lay her life on the line for her child. A mom who would protect and care for her child like no other.
Every single decision that I make is centered around her. I live where I live because I love her school and her dance studio. In fact, I researched and did full comparisons prior to making any decisions. I choose who I date with her in mind. I plan my paid time off and part-time work around her school and dance schedule.
But when you are oh so fortunate to deal with the joys of co-parenting, life as mom tends to be challenging. Especially when both parents live in the same city. We lived over three hours away for the last fives year’s, alternating weekends, summer and long holidays. It seemed difficult at the time, constantly driving on the weekends and missing out on things because of the distance. Ultimately I was a single parent the majority of the school year who missed out on most of her summers.
So when the father of the princess got a job in the same city her and I currently live, I thought it would be awesome. I thought about how nice it would be to have help so close. I thought about how much the princess would benefit from him being around and available more often. Then reality set in. He started stopping by all the time, not to see because we are way past that. He wanted to spend more time with his daughter, of course. But I moved states so I wouldn’t have to see him very often. And although him living here has allowed me to have some Mommy time and the opportunity to go on dates, without having the princess meet people prematurely, I am over it.
And to top things off, he bought a house five walking minutes from me. Why? I have absolutely not a single clue.
I mean besides the fact, I believe he was placed on this earth to test my patience, my sanity, and my Christianity.
He absolutely loves the princess and she loves him but at the end of the day, I think I would prefer a little more distance. As the primary parent, I have always been the one who has to make the hard decisions. I have to be the disciplinarian because he only disciplines out of frustration. I have to manage the schedule because he is definitely not a planner. So while it’s great to have someone to help with appointments, attending school events and transportation to dance, I am now managing three people’s schedules and that’s not including my staff.
It makes me crazy on the inside. I complain and vent to those I am close to but in the outside people think we co-parent well. Others may even think we are friends but I am tired of posing. I can be a good mommy and I don’t have to be a fake friend. The people I call friends would never treat me the way he has. I thought I had forgiven him but I hadn’t.
So today it is over, I don’t like the person that I co-parent with but I am grateful for his contribution to my one and only, the princess. Whoever has hurt you, forgive them and move on. Don’t allow the pain to hinder you.
I am a mother first and of my jobs is to help the princess understand and accept that everyone is not going to like you and you don’t have to like everyone. It’s possible to be respectful without being fake. And that’s the goal. When people hurt you, you must forgive them and move on.
God has blessed me with the opportunity to co-parent with someone who can be present, is knowledgeable, shows our child true love, and accepts his financial responsibilities. Not everyone has this, even when they are married.
I will no longer complain about what he does and doesn’t do. I will make decisions based on actions, not what I would like him to do. In the end, part of the growth process is identifying what’s holding you back and who you need to forgive.
Once you do that, you turn to God and thank him for the blessings within the life lessons. You forgive the person and you ask for guidance to do what is best for your baby or babies and you don’t look back.